It's Okay To Be Different
In a world where everything is a “trend,” it’s perfectly okay to be different. Just because everyone is heading north doesn’t mean the path to the south is any less viable. Society has labeled everything, creating distinctions between what “good” people do and what “quirky” people engage in. Certain actions are glorified, and if you don’t participate, you’re considered out of touch. These actions aren’t necessarily sins. In fact, sin is subjective. If something doesn’t feel right to you, you don’t have to do it.
Growing up, we never had a generator, even though they were becoming popular and almost every household had one. I don’t know if it was because we couldn’t afford one or if my parents just disliked the noise. We used candles and lanterns instead. While our neighbors had their generators running, I would be preparing to clean the lantern lamps. We were different, but I never felt any pressure because of it.
As for peer pressure, I’ve never fully believed that friends can compel you to do something against your will. Whatever actions you take, especially those you might consider bad, are ultimately your choices. You can’t blame others for your decisions. You have your own mind, guided by your conscience, and you should be in control of it.
I have always known what I wanted and what I could do, and I set clear limits for myself. I know my boundaries and never cross them. For instance, when I attend events or parties with friends who drink alcohol, and I decline their offers, I’m often met with shocked, even embarrassed looks. These reactions surprise me—what’s the big deal if I don’t drink? Why do people assume I’m missing out? Just because almost everyone else is drinking doesn’t mean I haven’t passed the vibe check.
I’ve been to nightclubs on a few occasions. My friends are hilarious, and I appreciate that we usually share the same mindset. When we went clubbing, we never drank. I can bet that we acted crazier on the dance floor than the drunkards. I always say I don’t need a substance to feel high. In those moments, we didn’t care about anything else; we just wanted to be ourselves, and for us, drinking wasn’t part of that. We danced joyfully, screamed along to the DJ’s music, and went home when we were tired. Those were moments I really enjoyed.
If someone tells me they’ve never been to a club, why would I assume their life is boring? Why would I feel the need to convince them to try it?
I remember a funny incident recently. I was invited to an event with a group of people, and one of them asked me, “I hope you’re not planning to wear one of your boring outfits?” I looked at her and replied, “You mean the same boring clothes you always try to steal from my closet?” Everyone just laughed.
You can call me a sleepyhead or say I’m not a social butterfly, but you can’t criticize my fashion choices or my beauty. I know myself better than anyone else, and even if you point out a bad habit of mine, I probably knew about it before you mentioned it. The comment from the girl didn’t make me reconsider my fashion choices or feel sad because I believe it came from a place of envy or simply because we have different tastes in fashion. So girl, walk with your head held high!
I knew the kind of wedding I wanted. In fact, I envisioned a smaller wedding than what I ended up having, but coming from Ilorin, making that happen was a struggle. I love glamorous weddings when I see them—I gush, I scream, and I get so excited. But I knew that wasn’t for me; it’s not what I wanted. The reality of parties exhausts me.
I remember when I was called to the bar, I told my parents not to come to Abuja. Most people had their parents there, but I didn’t want that because the whole process was too stressful for me. It was worth the stress, sure, but it didn’t change the fact that it was stressful. I don’t regret my decision. Even if many people had their parents there because that’s what they wanted, I got what I wanted, too.
This reflects my broader approach to life. I value knowing myself and making choices that align with who I am, even if they don’t match societal expectations. Whether it’s my fashion choices, my wedding, or my graduation ceremony, I prioritize my comfort and authenticity. People might label me as unexciting or not a social butterfly, but I take pride in knowing myself better than anyone else. I refuse to let others’ opinions dictate my actions or make me feel inadequate. I believe that staying true to myself is more important than conforming to others’ expectations, and that’s something I will always stand by.
Just because many women are voicing their decision not to have kids, you suddenly think, “Yes, that’s what’s in vogue now, so I won’t have kids either.” Or perhaps you see a post from your favorite influencer criticizing women who choose to be housewives over career women, and you notice the comment section is filled with support. You think, “Why not just follow the crowd and say the same?”
Having a different opinion from the majority does not invalidate your perspective. I have a friend who always knew that business wasn’t for her. She never tried it and isn’t willing to. She works her 9-5 job, complains about it, but wouldn’t have it any other way. You might see someone start a business, and because 95% of your contacts are business owners, you suddenly feel threatened and decide to leave your comfortable 9-5 job because it starts feeling stressful. But ask yourself, is that what you truly want? Would you rather be a career woman or a housewife? Would you rather have kids?
Consider whether the circumstances around you support your choices. Then, make your decision and nurture it into reality. Don’t just follow trends or succumb to peer pressure. Understand your own desires and let those guide you.
Know what you want and dare to be uniquely different. If you want to stay a virgin until you are ready, the choice is yours. If you don’t like dressing a certain way, then don’t. If you prefer not to be a social butterfly, embrace your introversion. The world may be a stage and we are all actors, but make sure to play your part authentically. You don’t have to conform to societal norms.
Stand by your convictions, and don’t be swayed by trends or peer pressure. True confidence comes from understanding and honoring your own values. Remember, not being in vogue is the new vogue. Be true to yourself, and let your individuality shine. It is okay to be different.