How Are You?

Because Sometimes, You Just Need Someone to Ask

It’s a question we ask so casually, yet it carries a depth we often fail to explore. “How are you?” has become as routine as saying good morning, a phrase we toss around without really waiting for or expecting an honest response. But today, I want to pause and ask you sincerely: How are you, really?

This thought hit me hard this morning when I woke up with an idea buzzing in my head. I was so excited that I immediately sent a voice note to a friend, sharing my plans and asking for her input. After pressing send, I sat back and wondered—but how is she? Is she in the mood to respond to my energy, to match my excitement? What if she’s not? What if she saw my message and rolled her eyes, not because she doesn’t care, but because she’s not in the mental space to engage with me?

Now imagine she finally responds, maybe after forcing herself out of her low mood, only to meet me at a point where I’ve moved on or I’m overwhelmed with other things. How many times have we unintentionally played this emotional ping-pong, not realizing the nuances of what others are dealing with in the background?

A few days ago, I received devastating news that left me struggling to process my emotions. Moments later, a friend called, bubbling with excitement to share a quick gist. The first thing she asked me was, “How are you?” And without a second thought, I replied, “I’m fine.” Why? Because that’s the default response. Saying I wasn’t fine would have required energy to explain or risked making her overly concerned. I didn’t want to dampen her joy or be the “buzzkill,” so I listened, laughed, and responded like everything was okay.

Reflecting on that moment, it hit me how often we conceal our true emotions. Some of us have mastered the art of hiding pain so well that even those closest to us can’t tell when we’re hurting. Social media has made this even easier—a carefully curated highlight reel where smiles and wins overshadow struggles and tears. It’s the perfect façade for a world that rarely pauses to look deeper. For those who are not social media active, it's even easier for them to mask their pain. Afterall, no one is really seeing or asking.

But this is me breaking through that façade and asking you directly: How are you, really? What’s happening behind that smile? How are you navigating the highs and lows that life keeps throwing your way?

We’re all in different phases, carrying weights and worries that aren’t always visible to the people around us. Someone you saw laughing yesterday might be crying today, and you might think, But she seemed fine yesterday. What if she wasn’t? What if she’s just good at hiding her pain?

Checking on our loved ones is more than a casual “how are you?” It’s about being present enough to notice when someone’s fine isn’t truly fine. It’s about understanding the unspoken words behind the ‘fine’. It’s about creating space for people to be vulnerable, to say, “I’m not okay,” without fear of judgment or being a burden. Adulthood has proven to be quite challenging. It’s harder to check on loved ones regularly, even though there are easier means to do so. What an irony! I am as guilty of this as many of us are. It’s so easy to get lost in the hustle of life— trying to grow professionally, improve financially, build a home, and so much more — that we often forget to consciously make an effort to check on one another.

Not checking in doesn’t mean we hate each other. In fact, I believe people cross our minds far more often than we actually reach out to them.

So today, I’m using this space to check on you, my friends, my family, and anyone reading this. How are you? Really, how are you? 

Whether you’re in a season of joy, confusion, or pain, I hope you know that you don’t always have to be strong, and you don’t have to carry your burdens alone.

If you’re the one asking the question, let’s take it beyond routine. Let’s mean it. And if you’re the one answering, let’s be brave enough to say the truth — whether we’re fine or not. Because sometimes, all it takes is a moment of honesty to feel less alone.

So again, I ask: How are you?

Let’s start the conversation.

Side Note/Motivation: The year is moving fast. Slowly but surely, the excitement that comes with the new year is fading, and we’re reminded that each day in the new year is just another continuation of the days before. As a result, we might find ourselves unintentionally tossing out some of those resolutions. But hold up — don’t give up just yet! Tomorrow is another new day, a fresh opportunity to pick up the pieces and try again. Slowly but steadily, you can make progress. Remember, na who give up, fuck up!