One word I believe to hold so much gravity is friendship. I have few friends in my circle, not because I suck at friendship but because I am too sensitive to feel any sort of lack of genuineness from people.
I’m not the type of friend who checks in every day, but I’m the kind you can always count on. Life has taught me to be deeply mindful of kindness. I recall praying as a child for wealth, believing I’d use it to help others because of my good heart. That prayer remains, but now I find myself limiting how much I give, not due to a lack of generosity, but as a safeguard against those who feel entitled or harbor negative intentions. Who ever said the world isn’t harsh?
We often discuss romantic heartbreaks, but have you ever experienced the pain of a friendship betrayal? It stings, crazily. I treasure my friends deeply, often forgiving even their gravest mistakes upon seeing genuine remorse. I reflect on the times they’ve been supportive and present, and I simply tell myself, “It’s just one of those things.” It’s ironic how forgiving my friends is easier for me than forgiving a romantic partner.
I often grant numerous chances for friendships to reconcile until I reluctantly admit to myself that I’ve reached my limit. It pains me to acknowledge this, but once I do, I realize it’s truly over. More often than not, I shy away from uttering those words “I’M DONE” because I’m not prepared to endure the heartbreak and subsequent healing process. Yet, can we evade such moments indefinitely?
As I mentioned, the pain of losing a friend is profound. I experienced such loss over a year ago with someone who was once incredibly dear to me. We were really close, and I regarded her as a sister. However, we never addressed our issues directly or amicably. In fact, she never expressed her grievances or concerns with me directly, which became a significant obstacle in our friendship. Ultimately, I had to let go. It was challenging to maintain a friendship with someone who wouldn’t openly communicate when they were upset or hurt but instead confided in third parties, all while maintaining a facade of normalcy with me.
In the past year, I’ve experienced achievements that I would have eagerly shared with her, relishing in laughter, screams, and shared excitement over the phone. There were also moments of sadness when I longed to find solace in her embrace. However, it’s crucial for me to acknowledge that those are experiences confined to the past. Not everything from the past can be carried into the future, and I’m learning to accept that. I don’t harbor any ill feelings toward her; I’ve merely moved forward. I’m currently in the acceptance stage.
The pain of experiencing a friendship heartbreak is one of the reasons I tend to distance myself from having close friends. I struggle to find a middle ground; it’s either all or nothing for me, and adjusting is a challenge. So, you can imagine the hurt I feel when I realize that while I’m giving my all to a friend, they’re only offering a fraction of themselves in return. Admittedly, I can be possessive as a friend, but that’s not the main issue here. I value being on the same page with my friends; it’s what binds us together.
It's disheartening how friendship nowadays often seems to be driven more by utility, meant for just some purpose. Within a circle of friends, it troubles me to see that instead of directly addressing concerns with one another, some individuals choose to confide in mutual friends about their grievances. Why not reach out to the friend you have an issue with directly to resolve matters? What’s the rationale behind involving a third party? Are you truly friends if you can’t communicate openly and resolve conflicts directly? What does friendship mean to you?
I want to do more than gossip. Yes, gossip is a common occurrence for many of us, but I prefer not to be a part of a social circle primarily built on gossip. Count me out of that.
I may not always be the easiest person to be friends with. There are days when I crave solitude and want to be my own best friend, and as a friend, I hope you understand that. I value having a life outside of our friendship. However, even on those days when I seek solitude, if you, as my friend, reach out to me for help, you can trust me to come running a thousand miles for you. That’s just the kind of person I am—I’m sweet like that.
In a friendship, I believe in reciprocity. If I offend you or do something wrong, and neither of us can address it, then what we share isn’t genuine friendship. Likewise, if I’m unable to forgive you, then you can’t truly be my friend. I want our friendship to include messy fights, knowing that we’ll always find a way to resolve things. Care and trust are essential in my friendship. Loyalty is paramount to me, even if life pulls us in different directions and we don’t communicate as often. When we do talk, it should be a conversation that uplifts the spirit.
We may playfully call each other naughty names, but at the core, there’s mutual respect. Being my friend means nurturing a bond that enriches both of our lives and endures the trials of time.
So I ask you, Are we truly friends?
Beautiful write up 👍
This is an amazing write up. Well done 👏🏽